Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize