Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
porn star boner night. come get it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
