clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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