when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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