this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
