I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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