K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize