bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
