she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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