YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
