I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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