Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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