seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
