nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
