I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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