Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
