Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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