Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
