My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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