FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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