Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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