Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
