i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
