I seem to have left my pride at pride
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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