I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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