Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
