I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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