she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
