I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
