My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
