She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
