He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
