so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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