I'm pants shitting drunk right now
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
