i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
