Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
