I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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