Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
