you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
