Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
either way he was missing a nipple.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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