i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize