The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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