i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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