we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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