I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
