I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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