I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
