is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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