I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
