Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
