Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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