The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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