They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
