I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
