Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize