i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
