Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
