I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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