when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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