Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
