Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
