Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize