Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
