By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
