what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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