I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
