We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
