I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
