Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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