when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
