I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
