So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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