**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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